Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
