Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
