I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize