She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
