The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
