my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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