Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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