can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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