will power is for people who don't want to get laid
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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