I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
