I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
