i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have fence marks all over my body
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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