They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize