All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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