sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
