Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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