I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize