He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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