I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
birth control should be required to get into college
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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