I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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