Your face is a jimmy john
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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