you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
