Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
