I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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