I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
