Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
