i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize