The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
