first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
