dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
