quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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