I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i think i scared a bird with my dick
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
