There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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