he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
