Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
