Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize