theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
