I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
