i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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