I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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