Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
