I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
