So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
