The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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