im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
