2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
