I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
