Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
