I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
