you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
