i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
