Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm passing your future prison.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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