okay pat passed out under dana's car
Need sex. Gaining weight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
