Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
