I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
