At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
