Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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