Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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