why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
