i jhust puked up my retainher.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
