my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
