Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
