Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
