i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize