I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
